Two mothers and a father tell us what it was like to
have sex for the very first time after childbirth.
Since there had been many changes in the abdomen of a
woman (25) after giving birth to a daughter, she could
not even bear the thought of having sex until five
months after childbirth.
- I was bleeding for seven weeks. There wasn't much
blood in the end, but it was enough to make it feel
uncomfortable, she says.
The abdomen after childbirth
One day when she was in the shower after the bleeding
had stopped, she decided to check if it felt different
in the vagina.
- I put a finger in to see if the delivery had done
any harm. I was afraid it would feel very abnormal and
became very over-analyzing.
She had heard different stories about what it was
like to have sex after childbirth. Everything from the
fact that it could make a huge pain to you to bleed
afterwards and to make the abdomen feel softer. Visit Bestaah
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- I was excited about what it would be like for me
because I didn't recognize myself in the body I had been
given. I was very worried about how it would feel to my
partner. To me it seemed as if there was nothing that
touched my finger.
Talk about sex
From day one she has been open to cohabitation about
all her worries and he has been understanding and
patient with her. She is grateful for that.
- I was very nervous and we tried to talk and joke to
it with the will to get me to relax. It helped a lot and
made it easier for us to talk about it afterwards. He
didn't understand what I was so afraid of and said it
was just like before.
Milk from the breasts
There was a lot going on both during and after the
intercourse that neither she nor the cohabitant were
- It suddenly started to leak milk and we didn't even
know what was happening. It just got very comical. It is
not directly something that usually happens.
The mucous membranes were also more sensitive than
- I started bleeding afterwards. Nor was I prepared
to have urethra. When I kissed it felt like the urethra
would fall out. I got really scared. It happened every
time after intercourse at the beginning.
The midwife reassured her that this was perfectly
normal and that it would withdraw as well. And it did
that a month and a half later. It took a year before she
felt that her body was back to normal again.
- I felt very abnormal. For many of the people I
talked to, it only took six months. I think it is
important to know that it takes longer for some than for
Afraid to have sex
Only six months after the woman (25) had given birth
to a little boy was she ready to have sex again.
- Since I had recently squeezed a child out of there,
I felt that place belonged to him, which is probably why
it took so long before I got ready for it, she says.
The son was born with his face up. The birth
therefore became extra long and difficult, and it ended
with her having to be cut. The new mother was afraid it
would hurt her scar.
- I had heard that it could be so, but fortunately it
did not. I've been good at doing squat exercises to
tighten the abdomen again. I feel that I have helped a
The body after childbirth
In advance, she was nervous and worried, and wished
someone had told her there was nothing to be afraid of.
- I was still breastfeeding and was afraid, for
example, that it would start to leak milk in the
meantime. My partner was prepared for this to happen,
but fortunately it didn't.
She was afraid that he would think that her abdomen
looked different and that the vagina had expanded so
that he would not feel as much as before.
- I was also concerned about whether I had as good
fitness as before, and if I could manage as long as
before during sex.
The 25-year-old didn't feel it was such a difference
to have sex before and after childbirth, except to find
time for it with a small baby in tow.
- It was important for me not to do it before I felt
that I was fully ready for it. But one challenge was
that we had to do it when the baby was asleep, and be
very quiet so he didn't wake up because he was lying
next to my bed. It was a bit uncomfortable to do it so
close to my son, but that is perfectly normal.
It is important to prioritize the children
Husband (38) and wife (37) were really ready to have
six shortly after birth, but chose to wait until after
the six-week check to be on the safe side.
- I had imagined it would be more problematic and
that I needed to be more careful, but for us it went
well, he says.
Finding time for it now that they had a baby that
needed attention all the time was the biggest challenge
- I have friends who breastfeed while having sex to
make time for it. Fortunately, we have avoided that, but
children are very arrhythmic in the beginning. You never
know when they wake up.
- When she finally fell asleep and we thought we
would, we often just got started then she woke up. It is
difficult to start over again afterwards and it could
happen again and again. Children have a sixth sense
about feeling when parents should get it.
Take advantage of the couple relationship
After becoming parents, they realized that the
romantic moments of candles, calm music and massage had
to wait until the first toddler phase was over.
- It is very important to take advantage of the sex
life during this period and to feel that you love each
other physically and mentally. A few times you have to
make room for it, and say okay now the baby is sleeping
in the bedroom so then we simply have to do this on the
kitchen table, then we can only wash it afterwards.
That it could leak milk from Sambon's breasts during
intercourse, the new father was not ready.
- If she sits on top of you, it can drip down your
face. We just smiled and laughed. It's not exactly when
you need to stop and excuse me, but now that milk is
dripping in my face you can be nice and dress up. You
can't do that. You can tolerate a little milk. Sex is
always a little pesky and it just leads to even more
He advises new fathers to remember that breasts have
a different function now than before.
- She may say quickly, don't touch my breasts, even
though it's been okay before. You just have to live with
it and realize that it will be so in the future, but it
Dad at birth
After being part of the birth, he is impressed with
what the women's body can do.
- Seeing a child being born does not change the
desire for the woman for that reason. There are some who
worry. Does he want to have sex with me after seeing
that I gave birth to a baby through the vagina? To me it
was more impressive than scary.
Six weeks after the birth
Most people want to wait until the bleeding after the
birth is over, but if you want intercourse before then,
midwife Cecilia Kleven recommends that you use a condom
because of the risk of infection.
It is individual when couples feel ready to take up
the sex life after giving birth and it is the woman who
decides the time. The vast majority of people we meet
have been waiting for post-screening, which is
recommended about six to eight weeks after childbirth,
says Kleven at the Oslo midwife and women's center .
- Use a lot of lubricant
On the after-check at the Oslo midwife and women's
center, you will see, among other things, the abdomen,
control of squat exercises and what may have been sewn.
You also get help with contraceptives that are important
to have when resuming sex.
- At birth many women get drier and more bleeding
mucous membranes in the genital area. This can be
perceived as unpleasant and it is recommended to be
generous with lubricant, says Kleven.
Reduced sexual desire
She says that some people feel that the pelvic floor
is not as strong as it was before pregnancy and if you
are stitched it can be both harder and tighter in that
- This gets better with time. Fatigue and
breastfeeding are other reasons why sex is not as
tempting. For some, prolactin secreted during
breastfeeding can also inhibit sex drive, says Kleven.
Tips for new parents
- Wait until you are ready for it yourself and do
not let yourself be pressured by either your partner
or your girlfriends.
- If you are very nervous it might be wise to talk
with your partner in advance. In the meantime, tell
me if it's something that hurts or feels
- Take good care of yourself and remember that
love for one another can be shown in ways other than
- Create time for each other so that the children
are not in focus all the time. Some dads may find it
hard not to get attention.
- Remember that there are a lot of hormones in her
body and there may be periods when she is not as
interested or too tired due to night waking. Then
you just realize that it is right now and that it
will be better.